Many years ago someone prayed over me and whispered in my ear "They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting for the Lord for the display of His glory." The person was encouraging me to step into the will of God. I was so depressed at the time about my situation and about how fat I let myself get. So when I heard this, immediately I thought, no way. I don't know why it's so easy for us to accept negative rather than positive feedback.
Even though I dismissed it at the time, it never really left me. Every now and then that verse would pop into my head. I looked it up and started dwelling more on it. When I think of a mature oak tree I think of something solid. Something that cannot be swayed with deep roots.
That gave me a lot of hope actually. When this person spoke this over me I was in deep despair about the choices I've made in life. I never felt worthy of love because of the sexual abuse I suffered growing up as a child, which was a huge contributing factor to why I treated my body so terribly. Even to just write these words is somewhat terrifying but I feel like I'm led to write it because there is freedom in speaking it out loud. I feel like I wallow in shame when I hide it and keep it to myself, which I have done for many years. But the shame is what has led me to make poor choices in life and then lead to even more regret.
This verse is so comforting to me in so many ways. I know that God doesn't want me to despair and that He wants to give me beauty for my ashes. Knowing it and feeling/experiencing it are two different things though. I'm 39 years old and am just now getting to the point where I want to embrace the spirit of overcoming and not be ashamed of my past. I've spent too many years in despair and now want to live in the Joy of the Lord.
I want to encourage anyone out there suffering with the shame of sexual abuse that God can heal you. You don't have to carry the shame with you. Give it to God and let Him work on you from the inside out! You are worthy of love and He has a much bigger plan for your life than drowning in despair. What do you have to lose?
This post really hit home for me, Denise. I love that verse; it's so comforting. I know it's hard to write about sexual abuse, and I also know the shame of keeping quiet about it. When you open up and let God heal you, you're not only stepping out of the shame, but you might also help someone else to see the freedom of letting go. I'm really glad you posted this; you're an inspiration to me!
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting! I'm so glad you find this inspirational. I've had so many people inspire me and I just want to pay it forward and help someone else!
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